He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
