Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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