She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
