Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
