I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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