He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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