i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
