So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I think my moral compass just broke
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