By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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