i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
