The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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