Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
