We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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