the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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