Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sorry about my life...
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