Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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