I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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