i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
