I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Another day, another engagement, another cat
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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