good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
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You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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