Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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