It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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