ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There are leaves in my underwear?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
