My liver just broke up with me...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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