Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
