Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
