Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
