I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
