I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
