I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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