remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
