You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
