I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
