I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
