My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
