he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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