I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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