Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
soo... how was my night?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
