I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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