you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
