did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
