Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
