the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
