I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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