I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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