You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
