my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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