is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
