Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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