drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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