We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he thought i was a dude.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
