new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
