And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
