I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
