exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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