I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
