someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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